During my qigong practice a few days ago, I realised that, while I was breathing into my lower abdomen, I wasn’t breathing fully into my lower abdomen. I still had tension there - I was holding on. Every day I saw the fact more clearly, and yet the tension was still there. Maybe it was from years of believing I had to hold my tummy in in order to look attractive. Whatever the cause, the tension was still there, even though I knew it wasn’t doing my health any good. I moved on to admonishing myself for not being perfect, for not having a perfect chi gong practice. After that, I recognised that I was fearful of fully letting go - afraid of what evils of my psyche might be let loose, believing that holding on and holding back was the safer option.
Today I dared let go fully. I took the plunge, ready to face whatever happened. When I finally released the tension, I actually believed that when I let go of my lower abdomen fully, that I would fall over! Where did that belief come from? Maybe a toddler experience when learning to stand and walk. Maybe a dance teacher when I was young.
But I did it - I let go. What a surprise! What I experienced was a wave of warm chi filling my entire wei chi field, flooding me with energy, warmth and circulation. I felt a greater connection to the environmental energy outside my window - a stronger connection to the shrubs, the trees and the sky.
I love qigong - the power to change …